Wednesday, 29 August 2007

As clear as mud...


Madame Grognonne,

Charming though it was to receive yet another carte postale from you, I do wish that you had headed my advise regarding using my notepaper and writing in a large script. It was rather difficult to follow all of your news but I think I got the gist.
I am saddened to hear that the Chief Druid has drowned whilst under the influence of Cider attempting to steal Aconites from sacred sources, but I suppose it is all one might expect from a man who goes about the place wearing other peoples Muffin covers. Let this be a lesson to you all not to over indulge in the harvesting of deadly poisons whilst having partaken of alcoholic beverages. I do wonder why on earth he was collecting such a toxic plant and can only assume it was something to do with his religion. I must say I had no idea Druids rendered their garments like that. One learns something new everyday!

Do I take it from the references to mud on your face and rolling in murky pond water that you are attempting to replicate the therapeutic experience of the spa waters here? If so I strongly advise against it. It will by no means cure your”ruddy cheeks” nor, as far as I am aware, will the application of chicken droppings. What ever were you thinking of woman? There is more to a Thermal Spa than frolicking naked in the pond and covering your face in mud and if you try it at home you are more likely to gain a dose of dysentery than improve your complexion. If you do get a fever as a result of your pond dipping , you might see if there is any of the Chief Druids aconite left and take it a few drops in water two or three times a day.

I agree with you it is not wise to bury the remains of the Chief Druid in our hot beds no matter what Jacques and the mayor think his dying wishes may have been, we have enough trouble chez Nous with religious fanatics hounding Loic without adding a band of Aconite crazed grieving Druids dancing semi naked in the pond.

Who is the he who has cut a large hole in something and what has he cut a large hole in and why? It is all very confusing! Fancy the Gendarme being arrested by the mayor for stealing women’s under garments! The deprivation of the lower orders never ceases to astound me.
We are having a very tolerable time here in the mountains, Chief Patissier has made a new friend called Lawrence and who is an English baronet of some kind. They do seem to have a lot of interests in common despite a lack of shared language. Lawrence has a motorcycle and he and Chief Patissier have taken to driving off together into the mountains, Goodness only knows what they get up to all day but they come back every evening absolutely exhausted and filthy dirty!
Yours Un Peu Loufoque.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
I have enclosed the carte postale showing the Spa as I thought it might interest you . Please heed my warning regarding taking the waters and do not try it at home. Have just re read your carte postal with some difficulty in order to try and decipher more information and am rather worried about the cellar key , what is an “Eparé and why does jacques have one? Please advise by return of post.

21 comments:

lampworkbeader said...

Who is this mysterious Lawrence? The only one I have heard of with a motorbike is of the Arabian variety, but I don't think he was a baronet. But knowing Un Peu's predilection for all things arabie, and the fact she is a bit posh, I do wonder. (I also wonder a bit about my spellingand grammar but, San fairy anne, as they say in France)

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Gosh it doesn't bear thinking about what they get up to really.

Crystal xx

ChrisH said...

I think I'm in the mood for a thermal spa - more so than rolling in the mud. Suppose it would depend who I was rolling with.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

I can feel a storyline emerging here..bet they've been fighting with the Arabs! MMe G would have made a wonderful mud wrestler wouldnt she?

muddyboots said...

ah, lawrence, did he perchance have sand in his shoes?

@themill said...

Damn - so that's where I've been going wrong with the mud treatments.

Frances said...

Bon soir,

Please do take a peek at the forum where I have left a message for you. Or was it two messages. Time is a very fluid concept for me.

Best wishes from your New York fan.

Rose said...

Are the postcards really that hard to read, or has Madame Un Peu Loufoque herself been indulging the absinthe?

Pondside said...

Oh dear, oh dear - Un Peu, as an older woman with some experience of the world I feel it imcumbant unpon myself to have a word with about le chef and his bosom freinds. I know you are a woman of refinement and delicacy, but you must face some hard facts here....um...err...first of all there are men who like....er...blast....lovely blog!

elizabethm said...

just a note to say I am another who really hopes you will stick with purplecoo. lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. dont go.

Posie Rosie said...

Oh and in Cait's blog we can see them indulging in that spa therapy...but muffin covers...what are they??!

Blossomcottage said...

Miss you lots.
Blossom

Fennie said...

I have just had the surreal experience of entering a kitchen and finding the body of a man laid out upon the kitchen table. No, it wasn't Loic, but you can read about it on my blog. No experiences as yet of men, mountains and motorbikes, separately, yes, but not in combination - unless the Great Escape counts - though I do have a customer called Lawrence.

Look forward to the sequel. And glad the nasty old druid is dead. Can't you find a nicer druid? I once knew a very nice druid called Oak who married - well officiated at - the wedding of a son of a very dear friend. I'll lend him to you. Do tell me what Eparé means when you hear - it's not in my dictionary either. A bientot, j'éspere.

Blossomcottage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Blossomcottage said...

.............and not only do I miss you in the Common Room but you have yet to do the homework you were set in my last blog.
Love Blossom

Tattie Weasle said...

Where interests lie intwined no language is needed: so oft I hear that phrase usually to do with sloe eyed maidens and strictly brought up young men....I never really understod that - probably no wonder it took Dear Charlie and I 28 years to get together!
Now a confession I have been diving in and out of here today and last night not quite knowing what to say so here goes - PLEASE STAY. You make me laugh so much and it wouldn't be the same without you!

annakarenin said...

I am still catching up with UPL but am hoping that the fact that you haven't blogged today means you have been off-line, which gives me hope that you will return to the Purplecoo site, still. Yes I can and will read your blogs because they are quite brilliant both of them but I hate to think that you will no longer be there in the common room and in the forum with your wit, sense of humour and commonsense. I have been desperately popping on to the site today every spare minute hoping you will be there. There will be a big un-fillable hole there if you don't return soon. Please do.

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

Mmme G - we have wonderful silt here - much better than mud . . . the lochan needs dredging so if you want to come here and help I can . . um . . .promise (fingers crossed) that the silt is full of many um . . . magical and restorative properties . . . honest . . .

LittleBrownDog said...

Oh dear, UPL - have I missed something whilst away on holiday? I do hope the above doesn't signify an imminent departure as the purple place just wouldn't be the same without you. You're definitely one of my top favourites here, and I can't imagine life without UPL, Mme G, Chef P et al.

PS Love the Juan Gris painting

Grouse said...

I do hope, whatever the men were engaged in on their trip, that they at least had the sense to retain their liberty bodices......or there will be trouble, mark my words........

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