Sunday, 26 August 2007

A postcard regarding something in the water from Madame Grognonne.


Dear Madame,

We have had a slight problem ici on account of me doing as you requested and searching the Chief Driuds garments for incriminating laundry marks.
I just happened to be lying on top of old chicken house on the pond taking advantage of the sudden and unexpected sunshine and indulging myself in a bit of a bain de soliel when who should I hear but him creeping through the gooseberry patch whispering away to someone else. Not wishing to be found in my state of undress and minus all but my undergarments ( I had to keep them on in order to keep the cellar key safe from Jacques like I promised I would) I sculled the chicken house across the water into the cover of the willow tree by the old grotto at the fontaine de la source all the better to hide myself.
However when I got there I discovered that he and his companion had been heading in the same direction and were busily occupying themselves with the filling of copious containers from our spring, which Chief Druid or not I reckoned was a ruddy cheek on his part.
Acting on instinct like any good and reliable chatelaine would in order to protect the families assets I shot up to accost him in his felonious deed only to slip on some chicken droppings catching my all togethers on a protruding nail and falling head long on top of the Chief Druid , ripping my under garments asunder in the process. so that we was both forced to the ground in a tangled heap.
Realizing that I was not dressed for visitors and wishing to protect my reputation I grabbed the nearest thing to cover my bits and pieces up which turned out to be the Chief Druids white thingy wot he wears. In the tussle that followed I accidently knocked of his hat and I must say for a man who has forsaken contact with the fairer sex he certainly knew which bits to grab as we plunged into the murky waters of the pond. Madame believe me when I say for a man of the cloth he could certainly give a sailor a run for his money regarding groping women where he shouldn’t.

Anyway Jacques who was sleeping off some cider from last night (the kind widow lady who has been taking care of Loic has introduced him to the art of cider making and we has been a testing of it quiet a lot of late, being that it is ever so good. The horse likes it too which is saving us no end of money on absinthe ) heard the kafuffle and came running to see what was a miss. Seeing me near naked in the pond flapping about with what appeared to be a strange man and not having much fun with it, he dived in after us and gave the Chief Druid quite a seeing to before pulling him out of the water and holding his head in the fontaine so that he was not able to see me as I climbed out of the weeds and covered up me dignity with the his discarded garment.

Jacques was that cross he was quiet ready to get me gun and have away with the bloke Chief Druid or not but I persuaded him not to, mainly cos he was planning to bury the body under the hot beds and I remembered our conversation regarding that before so persuaded him to take the man to the mayor, I would have suggested the Gendarme but after I shot his wife in the derriere we have not been too friendly with them. Well, it turns out that The Druid and his acolyte what run away as soon as I appeared naked on top of the hen house and has not been seen since, ( I always thought that was a plant but apparently its some sort of follower so I is told) were stealing water with the idea of bottling it and saying it was from Loics holy well and that he had blessed it. Added to which you was as ever perfectly right in your opinion that it was the Chief Druid who had whipped our table linen for there, plain as the mud on my face ,was our laundry mark embroidered on the linen as what you said it would be.
The mayor has gotten the Gendarme to arrest the Druid on grounds of theft of water and laundry and planning to deceive the general public with false claims. He was going to charge him with attempting to defile a woman of good repute but we all agreed we might have trouble getting that to stick.

Anyway I have cleaned and mended the linen but since the Chief Druid cut a large hole in the middle of the cloth I doesn’t think it will be any good for anything but napkins so I have done that with it and made the rest into some new undergarments for myself which I hope you will not take amiss.

On a sadder note in the mayhem and struggle I misplaced the key to the cellar in the water and we can not find it anywhere but Jacques says not to worry cos he has a spare one anyway.

Hoping your holiday is going well.

Yours
Madame Grognonne


Ps the postcard is of the mayor, that the post mistress gave me from her collection. I hope you like it. She did want me to send one of her like the ones she was selling at the vide grenier but I was not sure it would arrive as they are a bit popular and tend to get nicked in the post. I don’t think anyone would want to knick a carte postal of our mayor though so I hope this arrives OK.

12 comments:

ChrisH said...

I do hope Madame appreciates what a little treasure she has in Mdme Grognonne. Servants who are prepared to wrestle naked with Chief Druids are a scare resource, although there may be one or two hiding in the hills round here.

Pondside said...

No end to the exciting things happening chez loufoque. Mme G is indeed a treasure - I hope she'll be suitable rewarded with some thoughtful souvenire from your holiday.

Frances said...

I have never been exactly sure what quotidien means.

Do you think that anyone in the Loufoque household could help me understand a proper translation?

xo

Exmoorjane said...

Never trust a druid, can't be said enough. But it has to be admitted, the holy water is a fine idea....

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

And I bet that is not the half of it.

@themill said...

I so sympathise with Madame G, having taken a little tumble myself, of which I have blogged, but sadly I don't recall any groping of improper parts.

Cait O'Connor said...

Wonderful.
You have made me laugh again
(It must be a big postcard).

Tattie Weasle said...

I do think the new table napkins were an inspired idea - to have such a fine needlewoman on one's staff must be such a comfort and then of course Jacques thinking ahead as ever with that extra key....truly blessed!

Cait O'Connor said...

I won't keep you as I know your mind is on other things but if you go to my blog sometime there is something there for you.
Caitx

Grouse said...

Loic's Holy water indeed!!!!!!!

Rather inspired, I thought......

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