Saturday, 28 July 2007

Riding Loic's Bandwagon

Wednesday evening we had the unexpected pleasure of a surprise visit from Antoine. Luckily Madame Grognonne was able to stretch the Saucisse au choux she had planned by throwing another head of cabbage into the pot and hurling in some Strasbourg sausages and a spare ham bone so he was able to stay to dinner!

We have hardly seen Antoine at all over recent weeks since he has taken to spending his evenings with the handsome young village curé, what they find to discuss eludes me as Antoine never struck me as one interested in ecclesiastical concerns. However he has now abandoned the curé in disgust, they having had a falling out over the latter’s purchase of Loic’s pilfered appendage.

We are all concerned for Loic and his present position as a walking miracle and had long discussions late into the night as to what we might do regarding the matter. The entire region is in uproar over his supposedly heavenly powers and yet Loic continues as ever, placid as a bovine in a field of clover and apparently oblivious to those who seek to exploit him for their own gain. It would seem to me that Loic is the sole person not profiting from his recent resurrection from the dead. Even the Pompiers are selling their story to the local journal and have posed for photographs with a handcart in front of the now rather grand shrine. I say “a” rather than “THE” handcart as the original has already been dismantled and converted into wooden souveniers for the tourist trade which is growing daily.

Some clever but rather unkind person has hit upon the idea of throwing fireworks in Loic’s general direction thus startling him into freezing rigid in terror. They then rush forward with a camera and take his photograph which they sell to the eager women who seem to have elevated him to some sort of cult status. We also heard that one local farm boy was escorting parties of tourist around the estate and hiding with them behind trees to leap out at Loic then charging them 4 francs a go to fondly his artificial leg whilst he is catatonic. Madame Grognonne has taken to patrolling the grounds wearing her Kendo outfit, Colonel von Krompts German helmet and carrying her gun. So far this week she has shot 4 pheasants, a junior clerk and chased off a troop of school girls from a lycee in Rennes who were accompanied by a nun. She almost got a school master from Plougonevel but he threw himself into the pond and she lost him in the weeds. It is all very tiring and time consuming.

Antoine and the Chief Patissier are of the opinion that ,if handled properly, the affair may be turned to Loic’s advantage and Chief Patissier came up with the clever idea of making Galletes, each bearing a miniature hand print and packaged in a small wooden box bearing a likeness of Loic, and selling them under the name of Loic’s delight at 45 centimes a piece. Jacques has agreed to make the boxes and I have produced a small pen and ink sketch of Loic which I made for an earlier portrait of him as a war hero. All profits will go into a fund for Loic , with a small part put aside for Jaques in payment for the boxes. This hopefully will ensure he has a secure old age as well as providing him with sufficient money to replace limbs as necessary.
Meanwhile we must do something about his lack of a hand and his backward facing foot.


The rather impressive and stern looking gentleman in the photograph is none other than Le Chef de Pompiers Herve le fol de Tremagat, although I see in the journal they have managed to get his name wrong which I am sure must have proved extremely vexatious for him as he is an extremely pompous fellow as I am sure you can tell by his moustache!


muddyboots said...

can l just say that loic certainly is creating miracles. the sun is shining, there is no rain forecast. thank you may l offer a prayer to St Loic of the lost causes.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't he dismantle his wooden limbs and whack the cruel bullies with them.

Fennie said...

But if you look closely at his eyes Herve seems to be in pain. Perhaps he has bitten on a bee or has haemorroids (in which case no doubt St Fiancre is ready and waiting to assist). There is also something about him that sugessts he isn't a man of flexible resource, that one would immediately want to invite into one's 'salon' and expect to engage in elegant repartee. Oh dear, how dreary, I fear he would be on a wet afternoon.

Loic, of course may these days only be playing catatonic which would, you know, be quite a useful attribute just as swooning, deployed in the right place and before the right people never did a girl any harm.

I should want to swoon before old Herve in the hope that someone more interesting might come along and rescue me and I wouldn't have actually to talk to him.

As for Antoine and the Curé, one shouldn't inquire what gentlemen discuss over the Armagnac. It is no doubt a matter of high politics
and public service - maybe whether fish-filleting could be outsourced to Spain or even to Cornnwall where the price of labour was cheaper and what this might mean for the Brecon economy, price of galletes etc. We should be grateful that our lives are not cluttered with this tedious sort of business and for this we should be grateful. If they can induce Herve to join there conversation we might be spared many tedious hours of trying to entertain him.

ChrisH said...

Oh goodness, don't think I can beat Fennie's dissertation on the cult of St Loic but I have had a jolly time catching up!

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

Berludy hell - I have actually caught up. I have enjoyed every entertaining and well written word and can now look forward to further instalements without panicking that I am getting way behind as I was before . . . Un Peu you are very inventive and funny and original . . . big gold star

snailbeachshepherdess said...

'''Scuse me...I loved him BEFORE he was famous!

Suffolkmum said...

I've just been catching up too. THese are just genius. I too always had a soft spot for Loic.

Blossomcottage said...

Your stamina for this amazing story leaves me humbled. I too have a soft spot for Loic.
Blossom x

Frances said...

Bon soir and many apologies for not having been able to communicate with you for several days.

My excuse is the usual one, The Job.

May I say tonight, that having read quickly through the episodes that I have missed, that you do continue to have much to tell us.

But, may I ask, how is the daughter's hair growing? And, are you finding any time at all for painting?

I will try to be a more diligent and regular reader in the week that has now begun.


sally's chateau said...

Oh me too, trying to catch up on the frenetic pace of the Grognonne family, will they be taking a sabatical in August we wonder, and where ?

Grouse said...

Is it true he has been approached by 'Hello!' magazine?


No actaully not but he has been asked by Prosthesis International!

LittleBrownDog said...

How I marvel at those enterprising villagers never missing an opportunity to make some kind of commercial gain out of poor Loic and his appendage (it is still the leg we're talking about, or have I missed an episode?) Looking forward to hearing more - what else could possibly befall poor Loic without resulting in some poor Pinocchio-like figure constructed entirely out of well-oiled wood.

Posie Rosie said...

Oh un peu., lovely to catch up, love the image of all of these women so desparate to get a snap shot of Loic, how they could stoop so low though, fireworks...I often wondered how they achieved the 'startled' look in those old photos! Posie x

Frances said...

Bon soir!

I do thank you for your comments on my last bit. I do totally agree with the idea of a new mother, and particularly a new mother that had difficulties such as my pal did prior, during and after the birth, getting as much time off as possible. That child and she so deserve it. I guess that I am a bit amazed that she has not been more communicative with me, and ... as I will be on the very, very late shift tomorrow, plan to give that new mom a comforting call tomorrow morning.

Now. On to painting. It could be my El Greco tendencies, or my nouveau camera skills, but ... those are some egg cups, ma cherie.

Every time that I send UPL an inquiry about her painting, I am also sending myself the same question. Will I ever do anything beyond doodling in my sketchbook ever again?

The future will yield answers!

Sweet dreams.