Sunday, 17 June 2007

Un peu Loufoque.persona non grata!

I awoke this morning to discover to my utter surprise that I am not a popular woman Chez Nous, and through no fault of mine own I must add, despite stern accusations to the contrary from Chief Patissier and black looks from Madame Grognonne. It would seem that Jacques has been taken rather poorly in the night with a serious fever and the blame for this has been placed squarely at my door. Though why I have no idea!

I knew something was amiss when I did not receive my early morning restorative cup of tea in bed, a routine which has gone unbroken since the departure of our unfortunate Polish émigré Alexi Vlodaflodavodavitch in a flurry of red riding boots and shrunken trousers.

When I enquired of Madame Grognonne the reason for this she tartly retorted that she had far too much to do attending to Jacques' needs and that even I, she was sure, might manage to make my own beverage for once. I thought that was quite uncalled for especially as not long ago I did in fact do that very thing. Admittedly it had been a tad disastrous and had necessitated the purchase of a new coffee pot afterwards but I did try, which is after all the important thing surely.

I am well aware that she is the old Loufoque family retainer and has been here far longer than I, but really I think she might grant me a little more respect, I am, after all ,Chief Patissier’s wife and, as such, in theory at least, her mistress . I felt quite hurt, after all she is the housekeeper and I was not brought up to do such things!

Chief Patissier and Madame Grognonne have quite joined ranks against me. She, having alerted him to Jacques deteriorating condition last night upon his return from Antoine’s at a very a late hour, he immediately went out again to fetch the Doctor and bring him back Chez Nous. This is doubly hard to bear since when Middle child was taken ill with vomiting in the night only last week It was I who had to deal with it alone, with only a decanter of cognac and Eldest to support me, since Chief Patissier was quite unarousable!

The Doctor was most concerned about his condition and ordered hot mustard baths and plenty of fluids or some such so Chief Patissier sat by him all night administrating large doses of eau de vie and elderberry cordial which I am given to believe is good for bringing down temperatures. I think someone might have mentioned that to me when poor middle child was so feverish! Perhaps it only works on the labouring classes?

Apparently long hours standing in mud and driving rain whilst posing for my painting had made his slight head cold, which he failed to alert me to I may add, develop into pneumonia and here I am apparently to blame. The fact that it was probably exacerbated by a constitution brought low by blood poisoning from inferior hair dye and red lead polish has not I notice been mentioned at all! Since I myself was out in the same weather conditions but still managed to remain in perfect health is neither here nor there of course!

The Doctor will be back tomorrow evening to check on his patient so until then no doubt I shall remain persona non grata Chez Nous!


The painting is by Van Gough and shows Doctor Gachet, looking rather glum. Personally I am of the opinion that this particualr physician may well have been taking a dose of his own medicine, or in this case several doses,as he looks rather the worse for wear, which just shows that Doctors are not infallable and that one can have too much of a good thing!He does look rather like our own village physician however I do not think it would do my case any good to reveal this insight to Chief Patissier as he is still extremely angry with me on Jacques part!


snailbeachshepherdess said...

Poor Jacques ..its either lead poisoning wherin he may go blind very soon...or its a chill from standing around in wet garments could tie his chest up in brown paper with some of the goosegrease or use the remedies I sent yesterday...just be thankful he hasn't got warts ..I know that involves tying a live creature round the neck in a worn sock ...can't remember the creature though..will look it up...well anyway by the time it has died the warts will have gone...and you think I jest madame? I do not ...ask mountainear...its all in our local history book...which has been published I hasten to add and got an ISBN number...HONEST INJUN! Love to Loic

muddyboots said...

oh dear, whisky, lemon, honey & hot water will do the trick nicely. if your housekeeper is shirking her responsibilities perhaps a teasmaid is in order, providing a wonderful cup of tea first thing in the morning without any back chat & surelyness, if unavailable you could always brew some tea in your hot water bottle ready for the morning's cuppa.

muddyboots said...

re: yes or one of the stoneware pots & use a straw to sip the morning's beverage, would save having grumpy woman moaning about more washing up?

bodran... said...

Typical man, and it is unforgivable for no one to make your morning tea,somebody has to make mine as i'm usually incapable..xx

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

So unfair especially with Un Peu being all heart the day before . . . .mmmmmmm.

Milla said...

I come back after a few days and you're still barking mad. Which is good.

Fennie said...

Gosh - whatever - don't let Mde G get the better of you. You must assert yourself and bring Mde G to heel. Order her NOT to make you tea - if you have to, but you can't have her wandering around like an unguided missile doing whatever she wants.

Frances said...

Please wish me luck as I begin jury duty tomorrow morning. It could be a respite from the quotidien.
It might be even worse.
In any event, it cannot possibly last ten hours as did my day at the shop today, technically a day off.
Too tired to write better. Please forgive me, as you always do write so well.